


Momentary Mystery

by idiotwithacatpen



Series: Qrowtober 2020, but most of it isn't written in october [1]
Category: RWBY
Genre: ...okay well, Multi, Qrowtober, Qrowtober (RWBY), anyway I wrote this in 2 hours im so sorry, as if everything I write isn't one massive crackfic but we don't talk about that shdfkhds, but if a shitpost was a fic, crackfic, day 1 - professions, shitfic, this is like a shitpost, wait also, wait no they're called crackfics, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idiotwithacatpen/pseuds/idiotwithacatpen
Summary: Blake tries to figure out who Professor Ebi's husband is, and after Yang stubbornly refuses to tell her anything, she enlists Weiss's help instead. Weiss, however, has another mystery on her hands—the identity of Professor Branwen's husband.One Google Doc, one not-so-subtle mini interrogation and one barbecue later, they have their answer.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna & Weiss Schnee, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Qrow Branwen/Clover Ebi
Series: Qrowtober 2020, but most of it isn't written in october [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951090
Comments: 18
Kudos: 48





	Momentary Mystery

Professor Clover Ebi is married to someone. The problem is that Blake doesn’t know _who_. She’s heard the occasional tale here and there, but the only solid clue she has is that he teaches nearby. Unfortunately for her, there are way too many schools nearby, including the one her girlfriend goes to.

She always pays attention in class, of course, but she analyzes each and every one of Professor Ebi’s words when he starts talking about his husband. Blake learned long ago not to leave a paper trail, but she _does_ have a Google Doc. 

Blake types a quick note when Professor Ebi mentions something about jumping out of a plane with his husband, parachutes not included. She’s long past questioning the stories he tells, even if the tone of his voice tells her that every story has at least an element of truth to it.

“He’s been talking about his husband for fifteen minutes,” Weiss whispers, holding her ponytail out of the way as she leans over and whispers to her. 

“I don’t see the problem,” Blake replies. Weiss sighs in response, turning her attention back to doodling flowers over her notes.

Gods, who in Remnant could it be? Blake’s been pondering the same question for eons, (or since yesterday, but who’s counting) yet she doesn’t have a single suspect. Which means she’s going to have to find her partner.

Blake loves the word partner. What is Yang to her? A cowboy? A fellow detective? Her girlfriend? At the moment, she’s only one, but she may well be another by the end of the day.

But when Blake brings up the mystery, Yang shoots Ruby a knowing look. The grin on her face tells Blake two things.

One, Yang knows who it is.

Two, she’s not going to tell her.

Well, thanks, Yang.

Within the hour, Blake finds Weiss on Beacon’s soccer field, watching Ruby’s team kick the ball around. “Can you help me—” she begins, quickly stopping when Weiss speaks.

“You want me to help you with your latest mystery, don’t you.” It isn’t a question. Weiss never looks up from picking at her nails.

“How did you know?”

“Yang mentioned you asking. She said that for such a smart person, you can be clueless sometimes.” Weiss raises a placating hand when Blake’s jaw drops open in offense. “It’s Yang! She doesn’t mean it.”

“I know,” Blake snorts. “But enough of that. Are you in?”

Weiss meets her eyes and smirks. “Of course I am,” she says with equal parts confidence and arrogance that only a Schne could have. “But I want something in return.”

“Go on,” Blake nods.

“You see the guy over there? Black hair, red eyes? That’s Ruby and Yang’s uncle Qrow.” Weiss points until Blake finds the man across the field. “He’s married to someone too, but I have no idea who. Yang refuses to tell me.”

“I guess we have the same problem.”

“Yep,” Weiss sighs. “So! What evidence have you collected?”

Blake shares the Google Doc with her, reading out every bullet point just for good measure. Stories, details, even an approximation of his height. In return, Weiss tells her the one story she’s heard about Qrow’s husband—the time he broke his husband out of jail with the help of another teacher. 

“That’s a good start,” Blake interrupts when Weiss mentions the name Robin. Or Roben. Or Rob N. She’s not willing to jump to conclusions. “It has to be someone who teaches at Beacon, right?”

“Right,” Weiss agrees. “Shall we check the directory?”

One Grand Laptop Heist and three educated guesses of Yang’s password later, Blake and Weiss start typing in every variation of Robin they can think of into Beacon’s directory.

Robin. No results found.

Roben. No results found.

Rob. One result found.

“Robyn Hill,” Weiss reads aloud. “Room 509.”

They stand together, Weiss leading the way through the halls. “It’s this way,” she insists a million times, stubbornly refusing to open Yang’s laptop again to find a map. Blake follows her without complaint—after all, her guess is as good as Weiss’s when it comes to navigating Beacon’s halls. To Ruby and Yang, finding their way around is no longer an issue, but to Blake and Weiss, Beacon might as well be a labyrinth.

“Oh, gods,” Weiss groaned. “This is the substitute that taught the last class before the test, isn’t it?”

Blake frowns. If she really thinks about it, the name does sound familiar. “Maybe? Why?”

“I got a 91 on that test,” Weiss snaps. “I’m never forgiving her.”

Without further ado, she pushes on the door, flushing momentarily when she has to pull it instead. Weiss marches in, Blake trailing behind her. Blake begins to make a mental game plan, ready to weasel the answers out of Robyn Hill with the power of subtlety. 

“Robyn Hill!” Weiss thunders as the door slams behind them, pointing an accusing finger at the blonde-haired teacher. “This is an official interrogation!”

Robyn Hill pauses, red pen a millimeter away from her paper. “Am I missing something…?”

_So much for subtlety,_ Blake thinks as she slaps her forehead so hard she’s fairly sure she left a mark. Then again, if she really wanted to be subtle about this, she should have asked Ren.

“It’s not about what you’re missing, it’s about the fact that we are missing a vital piece of information?” Weiss throws her hands in the air. “Who on the face of Remnant did you and Qrow Branwen break out of jail?”

“He still tells that story?” Robyn laughs. When Weiss doesn’t let up, she shakes her head, sighing. “Why are you even asking?”

“It’s a secret,” says Blake. Weiss opens her mouth to disagree, but clearly thinks better of it and nods along.

“A _secret,_ ” Robyn mimics. “Oh, well. Anyway, it was his husband.”

The only sign of Weiss’s frustration is the _tap tap tap_ of her shoe on the floor as she asks, “But who _is_ his husband?”

“A teacher in the area,” Robyn shrugs, and then slips past them and leaves without another word.

Weiss groans, dropping her head into her hands. “This is hopeless.”

“No it’s not,” Blake says firmly. “We just need to update the Google Doc and keep going.”

-

**Blake Belladonna added:**  
Clover has two nieces  
**Weiss Schnee added:**  
So does Qrow  
**Blake Belladonna added:**  
>.>  
**Weiss Schnee added:**  
<.<

-

If all of these similarities are just coincidences, Blake is going to scream.

Then again, if they’re _not_ coincidences, she’s still going to scream.

It all comes down to this—the annual Xiao Long barbecue. As usual, Taiyang is busy flipping burgers, Summer is frantically baking cookies, and Qrow is cooking sandwiches on what appears to be a massive sword. Blake and Weiss take up their positions in the shadiest-looking corner table they can find and eat their slightly burned sandwiches while keeping their eyes on the back door. 

There he is, just as expected. Weiss and Blake drop their sandwiches at the first sight of Clover Ebi, hastily wiping the crumbs off their fingertips. “Now we wait,” Weiss hisses, Blake nodding in affirmation. 

Clover makes his way across the backyard, sitting down by Qrow and sliding an arm around his shoulders. Blake glances at Weiss. Weiss glances at Blake.

“Mystery solved,” they say together.

-

Ruby takes a massive bite of her sandwich, mumbling through her stuffed mouth, “Did you know Weiss and Blake have been trying to figure out who you’re married to?”

Qrow raises his eyebrow, waiting until Ruby swallows to say, “Really? And neither of you told them?”

“I’m sure they’ll figure it out eventually,” Yang smirks.

“Girls…” Clover sighs.

“Good,” Qrow shrugs. 

“It was entertaining to watch while it lasted,” Yang sighs when she sees Blake and Weiss giving them knowing looks. “Uncle Clover, Blake might have a few questions about the whole breaking-you-out of prison thing.”

“And Weiss might have questions about the jumping-out-of-a-plane-parachutes-not-included story,” adds Ruby. 

“That’ll be fun to explain,” Qrow mutters, offering Yang the latest sandwich off of Harbinger. “Then again, I’m a teacher. I’m used to making shit up last minute.”

Clover glares at him from the corner of his eye. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

“Kidding,” Qrow smirks, taking a bite of his sandwich. “A little.”

Clover shakes his head. Sighs. Sighs again for good measure. “Fair.”

“Game,” Ruby and Yang say together.

“This again,” Qrow sighs. “Why I ever told you about that is beyond me.”

“I guess you should’ve figured out that working alone is for the best already,” Yang shrugs. “Oh, wait.”

“I remember that,” Clover says fondly. “That was when he tripped, wasn’t it?”

“If you keep talking I’m going to divorce you,” Qrow mutters, ducking his head as his cheeks warm. “That was one time.”

“You would never,” Clover laughs. “You love me too much.”

Qrow shakes his head, then stops. “Yeah, I guess.”

Yang stands up abruptly, taking her sandwich with her. “I won’t stand for this PDA,” she announces, marching off to Weiss and Blake’s table. Ruby snatches a cookie from Qrow’ plate before she follows.

“Fine with me,” Qrow calls teasingly after her.

“I won’t lie, they have a fair p… I mean, their point is fair.”

Qrow glares at him, but his heart isn’t in it. “Don’t make me say it.”

“You know you want to.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Clover…”

“Qrow…”

“Fine, fine.”

“I’ll wait.”

“...Game.”

**Author's Note:**

> why did I write this again  
> legitimately w h y  
> oh well


End file.
